What I Want

My new therapist, today, asked me what it'll look like, when I get into therapy and start learning coping skills and start getting better.
What I want it to look like.
My answers were, in my opinion, lacklustre. Going to college, improving the relationships I have.
What I want in my life that I don't right now, because of my illnesses.
If money weren't an issue, I want to be riding again. I need it. So, a job. If I had a job, I'd have the money to ride again - believe me, it's expensive to take lessons and buy everything necessary.
That part of the conversation reminded me of what I want, what my ultimate life goals are. What I feel I must accomplish before I die.
Become a published poet - even if only 100 copies of my collection is printed.
And, if I get so lucky, buy a horse. I do, technically, have a horse at my grandparents', but as I've said, she's pretty old for a horse and can't do most of the things I want to do. She is a huge sweetheart, though, and will always be up for a hack in the fields - being a mare though, she does have a tendency to be an asshole from time to time. I have the scars on my chin (fell on my face so as to break my fall properly and not break my neck which easily could have happened) to prove it. I used to take lessons, but stopped. I loved it though. It was the highlight of every week. Mucking out a stall actually makes me happy.
I have things to look forward to. I have things I want to do, to have. I have reasons to stay a while longer. I have a great love. I have two best friends whom I can say I actually trust. I have the opportunities to try to get better, through therapies that are completely free to me because I live in Canada. I have so many books I want to read. I have religions to explore. I have places to see. I have tattoos to get.
I will make it to ten minutes from now. I will make it to thirty minutes from now. I will make it to an hour from now. I will make it to safely getting myself to bed. I will make it to the morning, and in the morning, I'll take it as slow as I need to.
I think I just decided to live, for the time being.