So I've been interested in Wicca - rather, learning about it - for probably over six months. A few months ago, I picked up a couple introductory books of sorts (Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner and Soraya's The Witch's Companion)
I've just barely made progress reading the former - as in, I started reading it today - and already I feel like it just.. makes sense. Speaking religiously, from what I'm reading, Wicca is the closest thing to my core religious/spiritual beliefs. As a child, I believed in the power of nature, the likelihood of reincarnation and multiple deities.
I love the idea of rituals, and am very excited to (eventually) perform some. I've been into crystal healing since I was about sixteen, I just didn't associate the powers of the crystals with Wiccan beliefs. (I got clean at sixteen, and wearing an amethyst point made me ... feel strong. I'm not quite sure how else to put that.) I've also been reading my own tarot cards since I was about seventeen, but didn't associate that either.
I've found some great-looking starter sets on Etsy, plus some decently-priced crystal balls and cauldrons because those are the only things the sets don't include. I'm just really hoping for birthday money. My birthday is this Saturday, so there is hope.
To get to the point, I'm feeling like Wicca may well be a very positive thing for me... however, I know that most therapists don't relish the thought of a patient who practices magic and believes in what is typically beyond the normal.. who also has frequent psychosis issues. That's not to say I'm letting that stop me from getting into this, though. I think learning Wicca and becoming a witch could actually help me help myself - I already know that the crystals make me feel stronger. I wear a wire-wrapped rose quartz any time I'm dressed, and I wear stone plugs (in my ears). As of late, I've been wearing tiger's eye. I did have a fantastic malachite pair but they're too small now.
I'm just feeling very positive about this... venture. It feels like a light at the end of what might as well be a literal tunnel, with the way I've been doing lately, and especially given that my birthday is only getting closer.
The Wiccan principle that to hurt your own body is to go against the belief system is actually something I feel like I might be able to convince myself is a good enough reason to try a little more - to stay self-harm free, to work on my eating or at least make eating manageable, and maybe even to try to stay alive.
I don't know. I'm just feeling ... well, not positive, but much less negative.
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