I think I'm doing a little better. Coping a little better, maybe, is the best way to describe it.
I've been waking up early - for me - which is anywhere between 7:30 and 9:30, and just automatically getting dressed, putting on some makeup... doing what I would do to get myself ready for something. This is good. I'm getting ready every morning.. for the day. So I wake up, get ready, and either make a coffee or a smoothie. Then I read (leisure) for about a half hour, until I decide I should at least attempt to be productive in my coursework.
Today, I got one more lesson in my book done. There are five lessons in four books, and I've just started this course - which I'm told is a "really heavy course"... but the book I have to read and barely analyse is Stephen King's The Body. It's not even technically a book. It's a novella. It's in a compilation of his other short stories. And it's written for twelve-year-olds.
That's enough of my griping. I got the end of lesson assignment done today, which made me feel accomplished. Like I'd done something productive and was therefore allowed to do as I please.
My best friend* is getting home from Hollywood on Saturday, and we made plans for Monday. I'm actually really excited to - leave the house - and see her. We're meeting at this local hipster coffeehouse down the street from my apartment, and then coming back to my apartment to watch bad horror movies. .... And she's said she has presents for me... which I feel guilty for getting excited about.
DBT group is going well... I made a friend.. I think. She's older and LGBTQIA and a Buddhist, former Wiccan... a few weeks ago we ended up talking about crystals. Long story short, this Tuesday we've planned to go to this crystal shop together. I'm nervous and excited.
Another thing with DBT group.. every week before homework we do a mindfulness exercise. I 'volunteered' to lead it this coming Tuesday, and I'm anxious about it. However, I came up with what I think is a decent idea. I found a container we never use, and went to the dollar store and bought a pack of decorative seashells. When I get to the CPC - Community Psychiatry Centre - before group, I'm just going to duck into a bathroom and fill the container with some water. The shells will be immersed in the water. The logic is that water as an element represents emotions, feeling, healing, cleansing.. all good things for folks in a DBT group. I'm going to explain the significance of this, and ask that everyone take a shell from the 'pond'. It'll be an 'observe and describe' mindfulness, because the shells are all the same type of shell, but there are always tiny abnormalities and differences. So, I'm going to give everyone about five minutes or so, to feel the moist shell, touch it, feel it, and think about how it's just that little bit different. ...... I really hope this isn't a terrible idea.
On top of all that positivity, I get to start violin lessons on Wednesday. My boyfriend and his boss are in charge of scheduling, so my time slot isn't absolute yet. He did tell me it will probably be in the evening, though, which is nice; what I wanted. I'm so excited to get back into actively learning and playing an instrument. It's therapeutic in the way that horseback riding is. Plus, my individual therapist is loving the music idea.
Overall, I'm just trying to enjoy what rays of sunshine the Gods are sending me for the time that they are sent. I know the dark will fall again, and that's a looming fear, but it's summer, and I'm just trying to be a 'normal' girl as much as I can.
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* This best friend is the 'new' one.
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